My husband and I recently celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary, and it felt like an important milestone not just personally, but also professionally. Why?
For a long time, there was an assumption that we, as professionals, could—and should—have it all. A successful career, a healthy relationship, children, and a balanced life. For some, this might be true. For me, it wasn’t.
In my thirties, I was fully dedicated to my career as a journalist. Similar to many others in my field, I was always available, working extensive hours, and continuously striving for more. While I achieved professional success, my personal life suffered as a result. Despite my strong desire for a relationship and family, I failed to create space for them. I could have attributed this to my demanding job or unresolved emotional issues, but the truth was this: I wasn't prepared for the life I thought I wanted because my self-esteem, identity, and sense of worth were all tied to my career, job, and title.
The Shift: Recognising What Matters
It took therapy, self-reflection, and time to understand that I had been unintentionally keeping my personal life at bay. When I met the man who would later become my husband, I had done a lot of inner work to understand myself better. I realized that if I wanted to give this relationship a chance, I had to make decisions for me. Luckily, life presented me with a unique opportunity. My partner was transferred to Hong Kong, and while I loved London, I was serendipitously offered a chance to move there as well and grow professionally. A friend gave me a valuable piece of advice: "See this move as a chance to focus on your personal life."
I took the leap. I moved to Hong Kong at 38, and within a year, I got engaged. And it changed everything.
A few months after my engagement, my job as a journalist ended, not by my choice, but in hindsight, it was exactly what I needed. I then made a conscious decision to take a break to figure out what I actually wanted in my life and how I wanted to earn my living. Just two months after leaving that career, I got married at 40. And shortly after, much to our joy—I was pregnant.
At 41, I gave birth to my son without medical intervention, and I believe this happened because I had created space for it. I was no longer working in a high-stress environment, I was living in alignment with my personal goals, and I had released the pressure I had placed on myself for so many years.
Can We Really Have It All?
Yes—but perhaps not all at once. And truthfully, that was never my goal. My 30s were dedicated to my career, then in my 40s, thanks to savings and some freelance work my husband and I dedicated our life to our family while building a business that would give us the freedom to do both. Today, at 50 I have a new career--one that aligns with my personal values.
It may seem like a miracle to have the personal life I once dreamed of—a husband, a child, a peaceful life in the countryside—but it came from recognising what I needed and making room for it in my life.
This sentiment reminds me of something Adele said recently: "I have spent the last seven years building a new life for myself and I want to live it now. I want to live the life that I've been building." When I heard her say that, it resonated deeply with me, because it mirrored how I felt at 38. At that point, I had reached my professional goals and succeeded in my career, but I had also realised that it was time to live the life I had been striving for—not just continue working towards the next professional milestone.
Three Steps to Making Healthy, Conscious Choices in Your Life
For anyone feeling stuck or wanting to make healthier, more aligned choices, here are three things to consider:
Understand Your Priorities and Values
Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you. This might require talking to a therapist, working with a coach, or simply setting aside time for self-reflection. Ask yourself: What do I really want? What areas of my life need more attention? Recognizing this is the first step in making empowered decisions.
Create Space for What You Want
You can’t expect miracles if you don’t create room for them to enter your life. This might mean letting go of something that no longer serves you—whether it's a job, a relationship, or even an outdated belief system. Making space isn’t easy and might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s essential to bring new opportunities into your life.
Plan for the Practicalities
Making life changes often requires financial planning and practical awareness. If you decide to take a step back from your career to focus on personal goals, be sure to have a financial plan in place. This doesn’t have to be a grand leap—small, intentional steps can make all the difference. Consider what adjustments you can make to support this transition, whether that’s saving, reducing hours, or looking for new sources of income.
Believe in Possibilities
Not too long ago, working from home was not an option for many. Nowadays, it is almost mandatory to provide employees with flexible work arrangements. Earning a living by creating videos doing what you love was never a thing. Today, there are so many poeple doing just that. It's not easy but they're doing it. There are so many professions that haven't even been invented or defined yet. The message is clear: there are endless opportunities for us to shape our lives and careers in a way that brings us fulfillment. Our task is to be brave enough to explore these possibilities and strive towards them. And believe in the possibilities.
The Power of Conscious Choice
Nobody can tell you what is right for you. What was/is important to me may not be what you want to focus on or achieve in your life. Nor am I saying you can't be driven by your career and still be a loving partner and/or parent. Everyone's path is different. We each have our own unique blueprint for what we feel is authentic, true, and successful. As long as we are pursuing a life that is authentic and true to us. This is what has always been important to me even when I wasn't consciously aware of it. But that's what growth is--recognsing whose voice we listen to--be it the voice of our elders who worry and tell us what we should be doing or social media that shows us what we should be having or achieving. Somewhere in there is our own voice trying to be heard. It will nudge us and we will feel it in the form of frustration, irritation, even anger at our current cirucmstances. Our job is to move past those layers of 'other people's opinions', of our fears and insecurities, to get to that voice within; the voice that speaks our truth.
Looking back, do I wish I met my husband sooner and we could have started our family sooner? Of course I do but wishing what could have been takes time and energy away from what is. I am grateful for the choices I made, the lessons I've learned, and the life they’ve led me to today. I had a great career as a news anchor. It gave me a portfolio of experiences that give me a breadth of knowledge that is useful for my clients. My career as a life coach allows me to help others navigate their paths, and I now get to live that life I always dreamed of—unapologetically, joyfully, and consciously.
One of my leading values is to feel free, free to design my day and my life my way. I work from home which I absolutely love. I am not without my worries—no one really is but when we feel we are not living someone else’s definition of success, we have so much more fuel within to find solutions to our challenges. And while a traditional job, a traditional structure may gave an element of security & predictability, we all know that that semblance of security isn't infinite.
What has been crucial to that growth is the courage to have boundaries and stick to them (whether it is replying to emails during my work hours or being clear of my work responsibilities with my family especially when my son is off school. It’s not perfect and there is guilt but it is recognising that no system is nor will it ever be perfect because 1) perfection is non-existent and 2) life is so much more than some arbitrary definition of perfection.
The key for me is being ok with that because I have what is important to me—my family, my son, my husband, and the life we have designed together. It is real and honest and true to what I have always wanted and who I have always wanted to be.
A lifetime of growth in ten years. What a privilege it continues to be!
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